the fuckboy is just a masc brat

A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet?

It was almost divine intervention, this realization. The fuckboy is a masc brat. The fuckboy is the emperor that has come to live among their subjects. If we think about the conquests of the fuckboy, how the fuckboy archetype is portrayed in relationship to consumption (taking together), consent (feeling together), and conspiring (breathing together), the fuckboy as the emperor of sociality starts to take shape.

Hi, I’m woods, and I am a Sagittarius transmasc who is terrified of being a douchebag. Prior to the pandemic, I long hooked up with dudes who played a guitar and sang Wonderwall, so much so that I realized - and let me save you some time if this applies to you - you might just want to be the guy playing guitar and singing wonderwall. Let’s just say I have a lot of fuckboy trauma.

Being someone who was re-potted into femininity but is naturally nourished by the soil of masculinity, I have long avoided establishing any roots in my own power for fear of transitioning straight into the fuckboy archetype. It is one of the only manifestations of masculine sacral power I’ve seen within social settings - and I hope we can change that.

When I had this realization, I immediately played with the idea through spicy audio, which is one of the strategies I use to notice how I flow with and against power. It was so comfortable to speak in ways that are typically associated with doms - something that is not usually accessible to me. There are a variety of reasons why this is true, but I came to realize tonight that, well, I don’t actually desire to dominate someone.

My theory and praxis of co-creation, of entangled sacral power, is based on the idea of two emperors who didn’t want an empire - of shared pools of knowledge that start in parallel play. After this audio, I realized that the fuckboy is just the emperor at a different scale - what if those two emperors were two fuckboys who didn’t want to be dicks to people??? Two people, rooted in masculinity - whatever that means for each of them - who wanted to own their sacral power and still make the world a better place? Who knew that we didn’t need to intentionally destroy anything because Mother Earth and everyone here is already ruined - but we can play in the ruins and heal?

And, through a lot of inner brat and sub healing and deconstructing, I just realized that I sort of already realized that I don’t actually desire to be dominated or subdued. There is a difference between domination and an energetic exchange where you are safe to float for a little while, safely anchored in a harbor. This is something we will come back to in future posts.

In this moment, what does that mean for someone who loves being spanked? BDSM, at its core, is focused on sensory play, power play, and deconstruction of typical social roles, such as those of the family, within safe, trusting, and consenting relationships and scenes. Most of the power technologies used in BDSM scenes have been or continue to be used as tools of colonization by the powers that be.

What if we deconstructed its focus on discipline (the control of the body, a la Foucault) and instead flowed between indulgence and diligence (a la Pan, tarot’s Devil and Capricorn’s mascot)? How does that change how we relate to one another in terms of sacral power?

I can like to be spanked because I recognize that it is impact play and sometimes my nervous system is sensory seeking; because sometimes I want to be held after constantly holding myself in every moment, sometimes to the point of squeezing myself breathless because I’m too afraid of what will happen if I let go. “Attention seeking” is based on the root word -ten, which means to hold. How does this relate to how we want to be held, especially during times like these?

Here is the actual spicy audio:

Here’s the debrief: