someone told me lately
that if we just keep being ourselves, even if that doesn’t make sense to other people - and i’m ad libbing and adding my own twist here - that eventually you will come to see yourself as whole.
[The audio was supposed to be a voice note of this content, but turned into a freestyle that covered relationships, Ares, healing the inner fuckboy, binding magic, moon cycles, and more. I’m coming back to do the same for the rest of this later. I am hoping to build capacity for transcripts, translation, and interpretation for all of my content.]
It won’t be a circle, but something more subtle, more magical, more (dis)entangled, like the air between the stalagmites and stalactites in a cave. Sort of like the air that flows through the two pillars of Solomon I imagine holding up the two lines of the music staff that make up the Gemini glyph, my first house.
Gemini is the storyteller of the zodiac. Since it is in my first house, which ‘rules’ first impressions and the self and personality and how you show up in the world, I’ve figured out that it’s sort of like I’m the story. And all my life, people have woven grotesque narratives for me to exist in - the pre-written ways that I am contained as an entertainer and, in other ways, am forced to be an entertainer, forced to obey some sort of desecrated hospitality that does not even remotely resemble the type of care that I need.
The desecrated drag I wore was like white sheets over plywood framing, blowing in the wind. I want to be a house with character. I want to be a house filled with flowers - purple and blue rhododendrons, lilacs, dahlias, lilies, daisies, chrysanthemums, sunflowers, and maybe some yellow-pink roses. I want to be a house covered with art, filled with candles, French doors with the original glass, beadboard ceilings, a big kitchen to make food like it’s a spell for satiety, with a piano like Roger’s in 101 Dalmatians.
[actually the red Privia PX-S1100RD and then the yellow Privia PXS7000HMBG and a guitar I actually haven’t picked out yet because I need to get ring splints and the Medical Industrial Complex is a bitch (if anyone wants to partner to design bodysafe ring splints I am SO in) - but back to the story.]
I found ‘god’ - divinity, sacred sex, satiety - in the G over D cord. It pulled a ripcord within me that tore me away from the systems that have only existed to tear me. But those million little pieces into which I was shredded led me to a system that was more solar in nature than LED powered. I found all of the little cosmic gems in the subterranean realm, the chthonic in the sky - the stars that were placed into the galaxy by the kings that didn’t want the sirens to sing or ask any questions like, “why?” - I found Serpentarius, the 13th house. And it was there that I realized I was always home.